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July 23, 2007
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tegan and sara - monday monday monday |
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well...i dont even know what to say.
ive been feeling so fucking SHITTY for the past couple of weeks, and i just feel so fucking SAD and ALONE. and its the shittiest thing ever. i didnt just lose my gf, i lost my fucking best friend as well.
the thing that annoys me about all of this, is that i DIDNT do anything wrong.
i loved that girl with all my fucking heart.
i opened up to her like ive never opened up to anyone before, because i really thought it would last.
i was my stupid, embarassing self around her, and i was COMFORTABLE with her.
i have never been 100% comfortable with any bf/gr or even best friend before.
i honestly thought she was perfect. like obviously she had her imperfections, but i felt those were what made her so perfect.
i loved every SINGLE little thing about her.
seriously, how often do you find that with someone?
YOU DONT.
i just cant even get over it. i cant get over HER.
aye sure i bucked nyeshia, after everyone telling me that thats what i should do, but if anything it just made me feel WORSE.
i dont WANT nyeshia, i dont want laura, or anyone else.
i ONLY fucking want danielle quinn back.
she was the only person that would tolerate me! lmao
i could just sit and talk to her for hours on end about NOTHING and just sit and think about how fucking lucky i was to have her.
operative word being WAS...
how do you get over yer first love, seriously?
yer first love who was also yer best friend...
i just wanna fucking SCREAM my lungs out and i just wanna understand why she doesnt want me anymore.
i would change for her, if she wanted.
i would do anything to get her back.
i just dont know what to do without her.
and im just emotionally broken down.
my heart is broken, and i dont know how to move on.
when i saw her with that girl linda, i actually just wanted to rip my eyebawls out.
and when i see linda commenting on her bebo, i just wanna fucking punch her.
i dont even fucking know the girl, ROFL.
i dont even KNOW what i'll do if something does happen between them.
i just actually dont know whats going on.
i wanna go back to 4 months ago, when i lived in the el oh el, and danielle told me every night how much she loved me, and how lucky she was to have me, and i said the same back.
i havent gone a day without crying about her.
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK...i just feel like, like theres no one else for me. ive never been able to open up to someone, and just be HAPPY in a relationship.
she really was my best friend. which is why this is still killing me.
SDHJFKGDSFHDSLKFHJ
:(
i dunno...
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| havent updated in 348975698347 years :| |
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August 24, 2006
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 bouncy |
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Paramore - My Heart |
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wellllll cheds....
whats crackin?
theres been a few good days of the summer lads
mostly because a few people
namely andy, danielle, kirsty, kyle and lauren =]
those cheds have made my summer bearable
lets see
there was the day i first met up with danielle and kyle and ruth and all
and i bonded with them
earned the nickname shamoo
and got in a fight with a milly outside city hall :| LMFAO
then there was kirstys birthday
when we drank aftershock and went to mynt for the first time
which was pretty decent
sniffing poppers and whatnot =]
then there was like a week of just goin to mynt
which was crazy
on the friday i gave kirsty 3479657834 burns on her arms
smiley faces :D
lmfao
they look like scabies now but =[
lmfao
then on the saturday
i got up and did the fucking karaoke with lauren and laura...OMFG it was funny
kyle got into some guy
yeo0o0o0o
danielle didnt even get in that day =[
erm...then there was the tuesdayyyy
when we were all under the bridge of lo0o0o0ove
which can no longer be our spot because of the infestation of sup 15 year olds
twas good lads
so was that friday
nearly getting stabbed by spides and such
lmfao good times
sorry none of this is in detail
but like
i dont like livejournal anymore =[
got my job back
heading into town with everyone for a pretty damn good saturday
yeoooo lads =]
xoxoxox
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March 21, 2006
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IM FUCKED OFF NOW
ive had a shite past couple of days
ive got my ballex bit off by my da
i have shitty hours in a shitty job
im FUCKED OFF at people/situations/attitudes
AND NOW SOME CUNTY FUCKING BALLECK HAS HACKED MY MSN AND MY LJ
well fuck you you ass fucks...cuz i fucking got them back and if i find out who fucking did it...
ILL KILL YOU
fucktards
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February 21, 2006
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so...my formal last night
lads...it was AMAZING
connie was absolutely stunning
i mean...fuck...
she looked absolutely beautiful
...and if she wasnt my best mate...well...ROFL
:P
anyway...everyone looked so lovely...
emma was steaming...it was funny
she was lovely to me last night...i dunno if it was just cuz she was drunk...point is we spoke
( heres some pics cheddds )
the night couldnt have fucking been better...
well mynt could have...if id gotten some flannnggee
but in the culloden...awk it was so good
talked to loadsa people...sed my goodbyes and all
im really gonna miss some people in BRA
a lot...
*cries*
no im actually crying...i wanna do the whole night over again
michael looked good, so did charlotte and emma and tanya and becky and katie and laura and naomi, stef, jenna, zoe and yeh everyone!...even ashleigh...
and i couldnt have brought a better person
connie...yer a ledge <3
love ya to bits ya mad cunt :D
xoxoxoxoxox
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December 22, 2005
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 fatttyyy |
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Taking Back Sunday - You're So Last Summer |
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i am sooooo depressed right now, its kind of unreal...
my mom really thinks there's a problem...
maybe there is...
i dunno...
im so emo it makes me sick. cuz i dont wanna be. but i am. i might as well embrace it.
seeing as the year is nearly up, i think i shall take this opporunity to post my highlights (and the occasional shitty day) of the past 12 monthhssssss...
*new years day, waking up with a MASSIVE hangover with emma and tanya...*
*jan and feb...the complete control i had over jay...bless him*
*February 11th...the rooster concert, and meeting them*
*march 12th...emma, tanya and jemma coming to my moms house...jemma was the most blocked that i have ever seen anyone ever...literally...then i was over the sink the whole night, emma stopped talking to me cuz she thought it was 'slutty' that i had sex twice the night i lost my virginity (she only found out that night)...but me and tanya had to laugh about it :) and tanya was sober, and talked to my ma all night...it was actually really funny*
*sometime in april...the sponsered walk...me and tanya HATED emma that day...and for once i didnt feel like a piece of shit in that group...i had control...it felt good...me and tanya fucked off on emma and becky and went into town instead*
*the 30th of april...the first time i went to carrick...spent the saturday morning 'teabagging' in town with ash and cattle...then went to downshire...got death letters from connie...got given drink by kerry...i fancied andy...hahahaha...awww was a fun wee day...kerry tripped over a burnt out car and thought she broke her arm...ashleigh spent the day with dj...blah blah...was good craic anyway...*
*LARNEEEEEE...rofl...awww that day was amazing...drinking on the bus, drew a banana, sang le tigre with ash, sat in a pub, talked shite and stole cattles fegs with andy, beat cattle at pool...drank like a fish...'fucked' lauren as soon as we got off the bus...stopped ashleigh from getting in a fight...lol...FREAKED OUT cuz i thought i lost my ipod...haha...cattle will remember that...awk it was great...oh! oh! that was the night ash was sick in her hand and mopped it up and put it in her wardrobe...SAVAGE BASTARD*
*when i got on the wrong bus and ended up in cookstown...hahahahhaaha*
*the 13th june [undisclosed reasons]*
*the day on the beach...when everyone split to chris's but me, ash, cattle, michael and dj stayed with connie...i didnt really know her then...and i talked shite to her...told her i thought she sent me 'death letters' the first time i saw her (clearly i meant death glares) rofl...i met dj for the first time, and andy...and michael...in front of everyone...i was steamin...i didnt care...lol*
*the 20th june [undisclosed reasons]*
*the 21st june...the night the year was meant to go to dempseys but we scattered everywhere...lol...it was shite up until we saw how ridiculous the night was, then went to the basin, got steamin, i met a random 25 or something year old guy...ROFL...i met stephen connolly as well *vomits*...hahahah was good*
*the 24th june [undisclosed reasons]*
*the 27th of june...emma and kirk...nuff said...twas a reeeallly shite day...never felt that shite before...blah blah...but it was good cuz it made me reaaly see what one person was, and what another couldnt be...and neither of them was emma or kirk...oo0o0o0o0o*
*1st july...ashleigh got back from holiday...i brought drink...got steamin...was with dj most of the night...*
*THE 2ND JULLLYYYYYYY ahhhh that was the night i had my video camera and we were all in downshire school when the new bit was being built...peed in a wee room, kerry and andy were sick after smelling djs piss...dj sang to me...michael kept asking people for sunglasses...kerry showed my camera her tits...a lot...connie then came down...was with her pretty much the rest of the night...rofl...i was blocked...ROFL...jonny and andy and michael were fighting...dj cried...he hit me somehow...rofl...me and connie made jokes...haha...was a gooooood night*
*the 3rd july...ashleigh came to my mas...then we staggered drunk round to my dads, climbed in through the window...i left her on msn while i was on the fone for like 3 hours to connie...me and ash saw a beast in the bushes in the back garden....ROFL*
*4th july...got the bus with carrie and jayne...carrie slabbered about connie and kerry...rhgjksehgjk....me and kerry were not amused...rang her and slabbered...then connie came down...i was STEAMIN like a bastard...kept falling...smacked my head a few times...jumped on top of connie outside the coast...lol...had to be held up by her...(which im sure wasnt easy...lol)...got to the victoria road...yup...then went home...i had to act sober...was terrible...then...yeh...started seeing connie n stuff...*
*8th july...connie and ashleigh came to my house...ROFFFLLLL......went verrrry drunk to KFC...ate a bargain bucket it about 4 minutes...ashleigh the fat cunt ate all the gravy :p...got home...ashleigh went out to ring dj or michael or someone and me and connie were left in the kitchen...yeh...then ashleigh put kittens in her (well...my mas) knickers...hahaha was hilarious*
*12th july...jumped in the harbour...fully clothed...cut myself...rofl*
*13th july...the dams...rofl...was good...*
*19th july...shite shite shite shiteeeeeeeeeee*
*both times at chris's houuuseee*
*4th august...got in a fight...and losssssst like a bastard*
*20th august...SHIIITTTEEEEE and a mistake...but the cock ring and messing up of ashleighs house was fun :)*
*the day at the castle...the night i couldnt walk AT ALL...and ashleigh made me cry*
*when me, connie and my ma went out for dinner...drew penises and such...got drunk...'feed da bears?'*
*louises party thing...met people...danced...wore a skirt...jshdfjkshk*
*halloween...was funny...was steamin...was with andy a lot, hahaha*
*my birthday...had to watch andy and dj be sick everywhere...while me and my ma were stoned eating ribs :D*
*the other times connie was at mine...jhfjks...spesh the 'DEYTOOKYERJOOOBBBBBB' time*
aye...thats all i can think of...
was a good wee year...sort of...
lol
im bored now
jsdhfjk
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March 19, 2004
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mood |
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 blank |
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The Movielife - Hand Grenade |
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friends only bitches...
comment and i might add you
depends if yer a cunt of not :D
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x__fallingapart's journal
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